Parents of strong willed children may find that more often than not, their child tends to be the one that chooses "or else." But, is standing firm in a battle of wills with your strong willed child really the best way to deal with his temperament?

When guiding a strong willed child, remember:

Strong willed children tend to excel at problem solving. Your strong willed child may respond better when presented with a problem, like "How are we going to put our toys away" than when presented like a command "Put your toys away" because it challenged the child to think, rather than to simply respond.

Strong willed children tend to be really smart. Your strong willed child will likely be of high intelligence and able to quickly pick up on inconsistencies with rules and consequences. Mean what you say and say what you mean. If you don't your strong willed child will likely call you out on it.

Strong willed children tend to favor choices over control. It's not secret we all have free will, but your strong willed child likely discovered it much sooner than anticipated. When a strong willed child is presented with commands, rather than choices, his default behavior may be to buck authority because does not like that his choices have been taken away. Try giving your strong willed child two choices you can live with, like "Do you want to wear your sneakers or shoes?" rather than telling him to put on his shoes.

Strong willed child often like to "help" and share input.  When you are able, consider your strong willed child's thoughts and opinions. Letting a strong willed child pick her own clothes out, for example, may eliminate issues about getting dressed.

Strong willed children often need time to transition. Using a combination of verbal and non-verbal warnings when you need to transition to a new task can often set a strong willed child at ease. Egg timers, kitchen clocks and alarm clocks in coordination with verbal warnings, may help your strong willed child transition more successfully.

Strong willed children might need more independence. Give your strong willed child opportunities to do what he can on his own. Although it takes extra time, allowing your strong willed child to try to button his own coat or put on his own shoes can help him to feel more in control.

All children are unique and successful guidance of each child can depend on how well the child's needs are understood and met. Understanding the strengths of your strong willed child, like his ability to problem solve, can help you make better informed decisions when considering the best way to guide him towards success.

© 2011 by Dr. Caron B Goode, NCC, DAPA.